I
felt expelled and exiled. I dragged myself away from the drone of the music,
the lights, the people...the enjoyment. I continued to haul my encumbered self
into the depths of the night. The further I walked the more I become one with
the silence of the shadows. My bare feet lingered in the frost covered grass,
chilling my bones. Goosebumps descended upon my body, but I felt no pain. I
stopped in my tracks and turned, to see the one glass pane; lights flashed and
shadows danced and my frustration continued to rise like a beast inside, but my
melancholic attitude forced it to retreat. I longed to be alone, however a deep
sense of ambivalence stirred within my mind. It haunted me, teased my
conscious, and ate at my insanity. My one true desire was to forget this… this
utter mess, and go back to the ways things used to be. Before he came along.
The
icy night no longer distressed my body; I accepted the frozen air in a loving
embrace. I deemed it a friend; it would not speak, it would not move, it just
surrounded me. I felt its protective aura, resembling that of my mother's
presence, but she would not understand, she could not understand. No one could
understand. It was my own realm with my own problems, I was the creator of my
thoughts and only I could be the destroyer.
I
sat down on the single dilapidated bench in the corner of the yard. Spiders had
reconverted the twisted metal arms into homes and were apparent only due to the
fog which had enveloped their webs. Seconds turned into minutes, and minutes turned
into hours, and the moon continued to shine. I had not known how long I had
been here, but I heard the creak of the back door twice already, only to the
disappointment of hearing the sniggering of the others. The third time the back
door swung completely open; light penetrated into the darkness chasing away the
shadows and a dark figure stood within the light. Whoever they were, they stood
in either awe or stupidity, I couldn't clarify which one until the figure
lurched forward. The lurching turned into a slow shuffle and the back door
swung shut once again, surrounding myself and the this other into the welcoming
depths of darkness.
I
could hear their feet sliding on the gritty dirt, then the transition came,
crunching on the crisp leaves which fell last autumn. Whoever they were, they
were getting closer, and fast. I felt a
droplet of sweat rush down my left cheek. Da-dump, da-dump, da-dump; my heart
bounced within myself. Then I blinked. It was this split-second of recognition
when everything was clear, my troubles escaped me and my demons returned to
rest. The jovial chuckle followed by, "G'day love", and my mind was
set at ease. She eased her aching bones beside me and stared up into the night.
Her warming presence slightly elevated my blank conscious. I was grateful. I
knew she cared. I do not believe she could understand the monstrosities within
my own mind, but I knew she cared. She clenched her arms around me, and this
vivacious spirit rose from within. I now never underestimate the power of the
human presence. She gazed down at me through her moonlight glasses, released
her embrace, and whispered, "You know he left over an hour ago and that
special someone is waiting for you". I sat in a dumb-founded state and
pondered as to why this all happened. Staring into the blankness of the sky,
reminiscing on my thoughts, and finally, I snapped back into reality. I turned
to see the glint in her eyes resulting from the moonlight, and I uttered,
"Thanks Nan...c'mon, let's head inside, it’s too chilly out here
anyway".
